I have a problem with sex-negative feminists.

dr-archeville:

nerdymouse:

I have a problem with them because they find sex degrading. I have a problem with them because they’re not all that different from the people who raised me in terms of sex within the Catholic church. Only rather than telling me that my “virginity” is a “gift” they will say things like:

“Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women’s bodies.” — Andrea Dworkin

“The institution of sexual intercourse is anti-feminist” — Ti-Grace Atkinson

“All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman.” — Catherine MacKinnon

I have a problem with those quotes for multiple reasons:

1. Sex can be empowering and fulfilling.
2. Positive sex experiences and taking control of your sexuality can help survivors of sexual violence to heal.
3. Those quotes insinuate that men’s sexuality is inherently damaging and that women are the only victims of rape.
4. They also tend to erase rape victims who aren’t straight cis women who were abused by men.

Sex negative feminists aren’t feminists in my opinion, they’re just hurt and injured people regurgitating some vile and problematic things.

I grew up thinking that porn and sex is inherently degrading because my church taught that my virginity is a flower and the more often I have sex, the less wanted I will be. I used to feel ashamed of having sex, and thus couldn’t enjoy it. It wasn’t until I explored my sexuality and took more control and figured out what I wanted that I felt empowered by it. Yes, I can even feel empowered while I’m being flogged or while I’m kneeling by her feet or asking to cum. It makes me feel good. What may be degrading to one person is empowering to someone else, and that’s fine. If you find something personally degrading then that’s ok, just don’t do it, and don’t shame others for enjoying it. Telling others that they only like oral sex because society says they should or that it’s degrading when that person you’re saying it to ENJOYS giving oral then you’re in the wrong.

Being sex positive means that you don’t shame others for what they enjoy sexually.

Sexologist Carol Queen states:

Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. “Sex-positive” respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility.

It’s the cultural philosophy that understands sexuality as a potentially positive force in one’s life, and it can, of course, be contrasted with sex-negativity, which sees sex as problematic, disruptive, dangerous. Sex-positivity allows for and in fact celebrates sexual diversity, differing desires and relationships structures, and individual choices based on consent.

“When
authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important
lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities” – Matt
Groening, Life in Hell

The whole FOSTA-SESATA “sex censorship” thing makes this very relevant again…