trans girl / physically disabled / ace inclusionist uwu / tag discussion of trans deaths and disabled deaths and alcohol thanks
Tag: disability
likewise, i can eat without assistance. but that’s not the problem, bc i can’t make food for myself. to live independently, i’d have to order takeaway every single day. and i can’t afford that. and if i have to try to make food, it will use more energy than i ever have in a day, and i’ll get exhausted, or injure myself, and fucking starving won’t help me make food. but the form doesn’t worry about where im meant to get food from, just if i need assistance eating. where do u think the food is meant to come from, paperwork people
i don’t know what i’m meant to say on this disability form like, i don’t technically need assistance in doing most things. like, if i’m too weak to go outside one day, i just can’t go outside. if im in a wheelchair or using my walking stick, it’s equally as exhausting and bad for my health to try go outside. there just isn’t an assistive device that can help with literally always being too weak and tired to do anything or look after myself, so there’s no answer i can tick on the page that just says Nothing Helps, so technically i’m not in need of assistance, and so technically i can’t be that sick
Hellen Keller, still a huge fucking anticapitalist:
[pic 1: a tweet by jeff bezos. “Amazon just won The American Foundation for the Blind’s Helen Keller award! Huge kudos to the whole team on working so hard to make our products accessible to the vision impaired! @afb1921″. attached is a link to the announcement.
pic 2: “The few own the many because they possess the means of livelihood of all … The country is governed for the richest, for the corporations, the bankers, the land speculators, and for the exploiters of labor. The majority of mankind are working people. So long as their fair demands – the ownership and control of their livelihoods – are set at naught, we can have neither men’s rights nor women’s rights. The majority of mankind is ground down by industrial oppression in order that the small remnant may live in ease.” – Helen Keller, 1911
pic 3: “So long as I confine my activities to social service and the blind, they compliment me extravagantly, calling me ‘arch priestess of the sightless,’ ‘wonder woman,’ and a ‘modern miracle,’ “ Helen bemoaned. “But when it comes to a discussion of poverty, and I maintain that it is the result of wrong economics-that the industrial system under which we live is at the root of much of the physical deafness and blindness in the world – that is a different matter!”]
If someone tells you they have a disability, please for the love of god don’t try to say you have the same difficulties, unless you’re actually disabled. You don’t, and I promise you, we hear that shit alllllll the time; it doesn’t feel like empathy, it feels like intentional ignorance.
For example, I have a pretty serious memory disability. But I’m smart and talkative and 27, so when I tell people I’m disabled, they almost never take me really seriously. They tell me “haha, me too” or “oh, I forget my keys all the time.” No. That’s not how it works for me. I have memory loss to the extent that it seriously affects my relationships and functionality. I don’t even have the same sense of time as you.
My disability makes me different from most people in crucial ways and that’s why I tell people about it. I’m not looking for you to tell me how we’re similar because 1) I know those things already because I have to and 2) that’s the precise opposite of what I’m trying to tell you, for both of our benefits.
So just don’t. If someone tells you about their disability, just acknowledge it. We know it makes you uncomfortable, but we’re telling you for a reason. So please, just listen. It’ll be way easier.
sincere question: what kind of response would you like to receive instead of forced sympathy? bc i’m rlly bad at communicating w people so any help would be appreciated /o
A sincere answer, albeit a long one.
I have chronic fatigue. I have not been well rested since the mid 1990s, aka before most people on tumblr were born. This leads to EXTREME cognitive difficulty. I need a calculator for simple addition unless both numbers are under 4. (that’s right, I need a calculator for 4+3) I am so tired that I have black spots in my vision. I am prone to just straight up collapsing. And that’s not even touching on the pain that comes with it.
When people say “oh, I had to pull an all nighter once, I get it,” what I hear is “I think you’re exaggerating. It can’t possibly be any worse than pulling an all nighter.”
The appropriate response is simple – show me that you understand that what I’m describing is truly above and beyond what is normal. That can take several forms – “holy shit that’s fucked!” if swearing is your style. “My god, I can’t even imagine,” if it’s not.
“I had to pull an all nighter once, but I couldn’t imagine going without sleep for *that* long.” That’s good, you’re relating it to your own experience WITHOUT crossing the line into “it can’t be worse than my experience!”
However. (This is the important part.) Most of us don’t just announce this information randomly or for laughs. I noticed in your tags (if I read them correctly and can remember what I read correctly) that you said you’re neuroatypical. Why would you add that information? I’m guessing that it was to let people know before responding to you that you aren’t on the same page as a neurotypical. It was (I’m guessing) because you wanted people to modulate their response to you rather than holding you to the same standard as a neurotypical.
Because if you were neurotypical, I would not have interpreted your question as sincere. I would have read it as sarcastic, belittling, and patronising. But you’re not neurotypical, and so I believe you that it’s a sincere question, and so I’m giving you a sincere answer.
When I tell someone I’m disabled, I do it for the same reason.
“Please don’t be offended if I yawn while you’re talking to me, I mean you no disrespect but I have chronic fatigue.”
“I’m sorry I forgot your birthday, I have memory loss stemming from my chronic fatigue.”
“I’m sorry for asking you to do me a favour, but while it’s a simple thing for you, I’m unable to do it because of my disability.”
I tell people I’m disabled… Generally because I need something from them. Usually that thing is understanding. Sometimes it’s slightly more practical, but that’s more of an offline interaction thing.
If someone tells you they’re disabled, the best response is “Is there anything you need from me? Is there anything I should know?”
It’s worth noting that Kenneth spent the entire episode making the game (and the subsequent fight) as inclusive as possible for JJ and his disabled friends (all of whom were played by disabled actors/actresses).
BONUS:
Bonus #2
Of course I had to show the best part:
Transcript: screencaps from ABC’s Speechless. JJ, a teenager with cerebral palsy, is playing a movie trivia game with Kenneth, his aide. Kenneth reads the card “What was Pierce Brosnan’s first James Bond movie?” He immediately answers his own question: “GoldenEye! In your face!” JJ, using his laser pointer, more slowly spells out GoldenEye on his communication board, and then gives Kenneth a very dirty look. “Okay, perhaps this isn’t the most inclusive trivia experience,” Kenneth admits. “How to level this playing field?” Kenneth reads out another trivia card: “Michael Myers’ mask was based on the face of what famous actor?“ Now both Kenneth and JJ are using laser pointers.
Bonus: JJ’s friend Aiden, a visually impaired teenager, says “Can we play?” Cut to Aiden, holding his cane, and JJ’s other friends, all also disabled teenagers. “Huh, let’s see,” Kenneth says. “Visual impairment, hearing impairment, Down syndrome, autism, and a walker. How to make this game fair for these beautiful kids?” Once they’re all ready to play: “Well, everyone has a laser and a letter board. Aiden, your letter board is extra large so you can read it. We’ll present all questions aurally and visually so hearing won’t be an issue.”
Bonus 2, the best part: Aiden says “You want to go?” Kenneth hastily gets between Aiden and JJ. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no. Okay, guys, listen. This is a game, not a brawl.“ JJ spells out “What if we want a brawl?” One of the other teenagers, a girl, says “I know I do,” flapping emphatically. “Hmm,” Kenneth says. “What accommodations can I devise to allow these gorgeous youths an equal-opportunity death-match?”
words are fake and not real but i’ll trust a whore over a FSSWer and a crip over a PWD and a queer over an LGBT person any day. something about the simplicity of “fuck you that’s us and it’s great” warms the heart
hey i don’t talk about being chronically ill on this blog much anymore and. i’m not going to start lmao this is the part of my life that i’m the absolute fucking furthest from accepting. self love is fucking miles away. i struggle to talk to other disabled people about this a lot and a lot of it is that i have no way to reconcile things like the social model of disability and other positivity stuff with the fact that my body and mind are both fucking prisons
my disability is on my dating profiles and i keep getting absolutely gorgeous queer disabled people messaging me and being sweet but they say shit like, “hey we should get together and talk about being sick sometime!” and i want to say Thanks! You’re gorgeous and wonderful but i’d rather be shot in the tits than talk about this with another human being! but thanks!
here’s a fun chronic fatigue symptom it’s trying to hold onto a thought and actually feeling the resistance
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