Tag: ace discourse

there is one valid criticism about the term allo is that, conceptualising romantic or sexual attraction as a binary thing where you either have it completely or not at all is completely flawed

the thing is though… ace and aro people aren’t pushing it as a binary at all. it’s aphobes who are doing that damage.

I’m hearing shit like, ‘everyone’s a little bit demi, so why even have a word for it?’ pretty much constantly. actual ace-spec people aren’t the ones saying grey-aces are confused and need to pick a side.

a lot of exclusionists say, actually by /your standards/, (our horrible mogai standards), i’d be ace spectrum, but i choose not to use the label because calling myself ace is #problematic, or i’d be ace spectrum but I don’t like microlabels so i refuse to use one.

they’re actively shunning all the microlabels that are amazingly useful in breaking down the idea of an ace/allo binary. they’re shunning any orientation that doesn’t fit into those two categories and calling it progress

some of them are #cringing at the very idea that it is a spectrum, saying oh god mogais, not everything has to be a spectrum! when the first complaint was that aces and aros… weren’t allowing for a spectrum and were slotting people into the allo category by default

and that post that went round, that said being ace = good, calling yourself ace = bad. that’s the kind of shit that haunts me when i sit down to think about labelling my attraction. and the idea that a teenager IDing as ace is sexualising their peers, because the existence of a single ace kid automatically labels everyone else in their school as allo. somehow. which is the most amazingly black and white thinking i’ve seen in my life. people aren’t saying ‘i’m ace compared to all the dirty sexhavers around me’, they’re just saying they’re ace. ace in relation to nothing but themselves. and aphobes have called that a #pedophile grooming tactic.

i have no idea what my romantic orientation is, i have no idea at all if i’m alloromantic, or to what degree my mental illness even clouds the whole concept of romance. but i have felt no pressure at all from ace and aro people to pick a side, i haven’t been labelled alloromo by anyone against my will. I haven’t heard ‘you’re either with us or against us’ from anyone on this side. it’s pretty much just aphobes pulling this crap

and if i ever do pick a romantic orientation, im damn sure the only thing that fits is going to be the most obscure microlabel on the planet. and i’m still going to be a gay girl as well. and i don’t feel like i can even pick one until this godawful discourse is finally over and microlabels stop being this ultimate enemy people are making them up to be… they’re words people are using to describe themselves. I really can’t, comprehend the psychology involved in being against people having words that fit them