Tag: advice

Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up

fatandfabulousmermaid:

eponis:

Are you hydrated?  If not, have a glass of water.

Have you eaten in the past three hours?  If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs.  Perhaps some nuts or hummus?

Have you showered in the past day?  If not, take a shower right now.

If daytime: are you dressed?  If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t pajamas.  Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep?  Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed.  If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.

Have you stretched your legs in the past day?  If not, do so right now.  If you don’t have the spoons for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please.  If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day?  Do so, whether online or in person.  Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.

Have you moved your body to music in the past day?  If not, do so — jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite BPM, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?  If not, do so.  Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets.  Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.

Do you feel ineffective?  Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip.  Good job!

Do you feel unattractive?  Take a goddamn selfie.  Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?  Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day.  If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable.  Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.

Have you seen a therapist in the past few days?  If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.

Have you been over-exerting yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually?  That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.

Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand?  That may be screwing with your head.  Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.

Have you waited a week?  Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause.  It happens.  Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.

You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through.  You are stronger than you think.

thank you so much

sophrosynic:

lovelysuggestions:

do not put up with passive agression. the people in your life should respect you enough to be straight forward with you. If someone does not come to you directly with an issue, it is not yours too fix. you can’t spend all your time picking apart your relationship with someone, searching for what you did, and blaming yourself when you don’t even know what for. it’s not fair for people to put you through that.

equally as important–learn to dismantle the impulse to be passive aggressive on your end. cultivate the skills required to be honest and accountable about your feelings, not just to the people around you, but also for your own sake. it’s when you learn to be honest to yourself about what you’re feeling that you really start to flourish.

picturesimlivinthru:

oodlenoodleroodle:

badsandy:

no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.

And it’s also terrifying! Like it’s the kind of vulnerability you can’t do while being all cool and in control of things, you have to like open up the really awkward, ugly inner part of yourself and hope that the other person is still into you. 

Like you have to actually say – with words coming out of your mouth or hands or whatever way you use to directly communicate in person – what you would like from the other person! You have to say stuff like “hey the thing you did made me feel some ways and we have to address this like adults” and hope that the other person says “I see, yes I also think we should address this like adults” (instead of “no I didn’t” or “you’re overreacting” or other shut-down-ing shit that ruins lives). 

Worth the read my oh my

feminismandhappiness:

flickerman:

i wish there wasn’t such a stigma around being proved wrong, bc it’s a part of life, no one can be right all the time. if we didn’t feel as much shame about it i think a lot of things would change a lot faster

we all need to practice saying “I hadn’t thought of it like that” “I hadn’t seen it that way before” “I must have misunderstood the first time I heard about it” “if I had known those facts I wouldn’t have thought like I did”

nurselofwyr:

butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway:

selchieproductions:

i mean, maybe this is my inner “survivor of child abuse” talking, but I am not going to tell abusive parents that they’re bad at bringing up their children without a bullet proof plan with regards to how I could protect my student from the emotional and physical backlash of that meeting.

Important thing to remember about intervening in abuse in general. Any actions taken by others to hold the abuser accountable WILL be taken out on the victim and not the person doing the confronting. Do not confront an abuser about their actions unless you know for absolute certain that you can protect their victim from the fallout.

AN ABBREVIATED GUIDE TO ‘holy shit my friend is in an abusive relationship what do I do’

mswyrr:

favedump:

Mr. Rogers had an intentional manner of speaking to children, which his writers called “Freddish”. There were nine steps for translating into Freddish: 

  1. “State the idea you wish to express as clearly as possible, and in terms preschoolers can understand.” Example: It is dangerous to play in the street. ​​​​​​
  2. “Rephrase in a positive manner,” as in It is good to play where it is safe.
  3. “Rephrase the idea, bearing in mind that preschoolers cannot yet make subtle distinctions and need to be redirected to authorities they trust.” As in, “Ask your parents where it is safe to play.”
  4. “Rephrase your idea to eliminate all elements that could be considered prescriptive, directive, or instructive.” In the example, that’d mean getting rid of “ask”: Your parents will tell you where it is safe to play.
  5. “Rephrase any element that suggests certainty.” That’d be “will”: Your parents can tell you where it is safe to play.
  6. “Rephrase your idea to eliminate any element that may not apply to all children.” Not all children know their parents, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play.
  7. “Add a simple motivational idea that gives preschoolers a reason to follow your advice.” Perhaps: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is good to listen to them.
  8. “Rephrase your new statement, repeating the first step.” “Good” represents a value judgment, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them.
  9. “Rephrase your idea a final time, relating it to some phase of development a preschooler can understand.” Maybe: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them, and listening is an important part of growing.

Mr. Rogers Had a Simple Set of Rules for Talking to Children – The Atlantic

Rogers brought this level of care and attention not just to granular
details and phrasings, but the bigger messages his show would send.
Hedda Sharapan, one of the staff members at Fred Rogers’s production
company, Family Communications, Inc., recalls Rogers once halted taping
of a show when a cast member told the puppet Henrietta Pussycat not to
cry; he interrupted shooting to make it clear that his show would never
suggest to children that they not cry.

In working on the show,
Rogers interacted extensively with academic researchers. Daniel R.
Anderson, a psychologist formerly at the University of Massachusetts who
worked as an advisor for the show, remembered a speaking trip to
Germany at which some members of an academic audience raised questions
about Rogers’s direct approach on television. They were concerned that
it could lead to false expectations from children of personal support
from a televised figure. Anderson was impressed with the depth of
Rogers’s reaction, and with the fact that he went back to production
carefully screening scripts for any hint of language that could confuse
children in that way.

In fact, Freddish and Rogers’s philosophy of
child development is actually derived from some of the leading
20th-century scholars of the subject. In the 1950s, Rogers, already well
known for a previous children’s TV program, was pursuing a graduate
degree at The Pittsburgh Theological Seminary when a teacher there
recommended he also study under the child-development expert Margaret
McFarland at the University of Pittsburgh. There he was exposed to the
theories of legendary faculty, including McFarland, Benjamin Spock, Erik
Erikson, and T. Berry Brazelton. Rogers learned the highest standards
in this emerging academic field, and he applied them to his program for
almost half a century.

This is one of the reasons Rogers was so
particular about the writing on his show. “I spent hours talking with
Fred and taking notes,” says Greenwald, “then hours talking with
Margaret McFarland before I went off and wrote the scripts. Then Fred
made them better.” As simple as Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood looked and sounded, every detail in it was the product of a tremendously careful, academically-informed process.

armeleia:

Reminders for the Anxious/Depressed Creatives

  • You’re more than what you make.
  • Your productivity does not determine your value.
  • It’s okay to do nothing sometimes.
  • Not everything you do has to result in a product.
  • Not everything you make has to be important, significant, or even good.
  • You can make things just for yourself.
  • You can keep secrets for yourself, whether it’s not posting some of your projects or not sharing your techniques.
  • You’re allowed to say no.
  • You’re allowed to rest.

edashara:

raychillster:

your depression will convince you that isolation and loneliness is what’s best for you to heal but it’s a lie!! if you want to heal, you need to surround yourself around the most loving and supportive people you know. bask in the love of your loved ones. don’t let depression tell you that being alone is safe. isolation leaves you trapped in your own dark thoughts and energy. some extra love and support will help clear that energy out of the air.

…. u read my mind…