“The allegations of kidnapping were found to be invalid by a court! They came with me voluntarily! Sure, there was mentions of cutting fingers and we took their shoes, but they agreed to come with us in the end so it technically not kidnapping!” he said in reference to that time he, as a police officer, left 3 indigenous children stranded 12km out of town in 1994, which was only 23 years ago and so when he says “a 30 year old incident” we can only assume he’s getting confused about which of his multiple alleged kidnapping incidents he is meant to be defending himself against.
“Could be worse though,” he continued. “People could be focusing on how I mowed a swastika into my backyard and saluted it, then posted it on Facebook. I’m glad that one’s getting far less media attention.”
“But to be fair there’s just so much to choose from. The kidnapping incident, the nazi stuff, or the death threat I sent to a former employee. How can the media choose one aspect of me to focus on when I am such a complex and diverse piece of shit?”
It has become a long standing tradition for One Nation candidates to have their horrible pasts brought up to be used against them to prove their worth as controversial and despicable human beings.
Pauline Hanson has defended this selection process stating: “our voter base only wants the toughest of scum to represent them. Each candidate must prove they’re both a terrible enough person to receive massive amounts of scorn online and to be tough enough to not let it get to them. Mr Ellis unfortunately complained about the “pathetic haters” and realised the job was too hard on him and has resigned. But don’t you worry, we will continue to find the very worst of society to represent our party in the future.”
“Cadbury is no good! I personally prefer Lindt, for they don’t cave in to this PC Lefty bullshit of making halal Easter eggs. They make sure there’s pig’s blood in every single one! Just like how my mother used to make.”
She bit into one. Blood and nougat burst from the core.
“Mmmm… delicious.” She reached for a chocolate bunny and, with one swift bite, severed its head clean in two. “Oh my, this one is particularly bloody. How very Australian.”
“Have a safe Easter,” she said as blood dripped down her horrifying snarl of a smile. The red mingled with her already red sweater, creating a horrific drip pattern. “Be safe,” she repeated, softer, bloodier, as she stared deep into the camera.
Pauline Hanson has used the recent terror attack against London to start the hashtag #Pray4MuslimBan. There’s nothing satirical there. She’s a leach. She’s an opportunistic cruel racist. Her brand of politics is the equivalent of a personified vulture swooping down on the victims of a tragedy to caw out racist tirades. Here’s a suggestion: #Pray4PaulineToFuckOff
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