Tag: spoons

epicmurdock:

epicmurdock:

I really hate it when parents of autistic kids use phrases like “I know they’re in there.” Bitch they’re right in front of you! You haven’t lost them! They’re not locked away like a final boss in a video game!! This is your child As Is! Love them for who they are not what you wish they would be! Fuck!

I didn’t expect this to get notes but it’s absolutely ok to reblog and I’m glad it has been

sapphicwocsource:

Things I want white mentally ill people to acknowledge (that is if they genuinely care about wanting to be allies. Those that are blatantly racist will ignore this regardless of what I say, lol): 

  • yes, mental illness can and does affect everyone. but no, the way mental illness is diagnosed and treated does not fall along equal lines. like physical health and physical medical care, it is delineated by race, class, and gender, which means people of color, particularly working-class people of color, have the least access to mental health care and resources. 
  • yes, ableism is a problem, and we need to avoid it at all costs, but calling out and criticizing racism is not ableist. assuming that all people of color are neurotypical is both racist AND ableist. finally, using mental illness as an excuse to be racist is rife with ableism itself because you posit that mentally ill people are inherently going to be bigoted (and you also ignore the intersection of race and mental health). 
  • on that note, using your mental illness and past traumatic experiences as political currency is awful, especially when you’re using it to justify your own racism. people of color making jokes about white people is not ableist. people of color refusing to engage with your racism is not ableist. people of color calling you out for your racism is not ableist. people of color using terms that are specific to their racial/ethnic groups is not ableist. people of color prioritizing each other is not ableist. finally, pretending that only white people can be victims of trauma is incredibly racist. 
  • acknowledge that because of white supremacy, people of color are at a higher risk for mental illness and trauma while also contending with little to no federal help or attention and with under-diagnosis. acknowledge that culturally and racially specific programs for mental health are necessary because the way kids of color deal with mental health is very different from how white kids deal with it. culture is very much a part of mental health and mental illness. 
  • sociological and academic terms like “white guilt”, “white sociopathy”, “white anxiety”, and “white delusion” are NOT ableist terms. those are very specific terms used to describe systemic phenomenon – that white people do not see people of color as human, and thus are unable to empathize with us, they project their own guilt onto us in often violent ways, and they manifest their inherent hatred and fear of us in violent ways. you cannot be a good racial ally if you hate these terms or think that they don’t apply to you. i hate to break it to you, but they apply to all white people. 
  • on that note, but opening your mouth and screaming “ableist! this information is inaccessible!” the minute a woman of color uses specific sociological terms to describe racism is fraught with racialized misogyny. women of color have to do far more to succeed in academic spaces whereas white people, and yes even white mentally ill people, don’t have to contend with those obstacles. and obviously rhetoric should be accessible – that is absolutely right – but blaming women of color for using terms that rich white neurotypical men came up with and popularized is ridiculous. especially because women of color are not taken seriously whether they’re being angry and “unacademic” or whether they’re being academic and “pretentious”. 
  • if you don’t see the trauma enacted by white supremacy as an actual form of trauma, you’re racist. things like weathering and intergenerational trauma exist and those are specific forms of trauma caused by RACISM. 
  • cry-typing when you’re called out for being racist, saying that you don’t have the “spoons” to talk about or learn about racism, saying that posts about racism cause you “anxiety” or “trigger” you, blatantly ignoring vile acts of racism because “um sweetie i don’t have to discuss this because my mental health is more important than your marginalization”, “being racist is my coping mechanism” or contrasting and juxtaposing yourself as “fragile/naive/soft/innocent/gentle” against “mean/aggressive/snobby/pretentious/scary” people of color is incredibly racist. white people have been conceptualizing people of color as scary and brutal and aggressive for centuries. congratulations on reinforcing your own racist socialization by dressing it up with some faux-progressive sjw mental health rhetoric! 

kieram13:

agendergoldfish:

was thinking about this also: don’t hide your child’s disability from the child themself, or pretend it doesn’t exist

one of my best friends went to an autistic school for 7 years, but no one ever actually explained to him what autism actually was! parents never talked about it! so he thought that when he went to high school he’d ‘grown out of it,’ whatever it was.

we kept running into situations where, for example, we’re sitting together and someone asks me why I’m flapping and I say “I’m stimming, I’m autistic,” or this friend hears me explain accommodation stuff to a new teacher. and he kept responding with surprise: “that’s an autism thing? is autism the reason we do that?” “yeah!” “oh wow, I thought I was just weird!”

so i’ve been trying to convince my friend for most of this year now that all this ‘unusual’ stuff that we do and difficulties we have are just our natural way of being, because of our neurotype and disability… and the reaction has consistently been relief. like “oh, that’s why I’m like this! it’s not the wrong way, it’s just the autistic way!”

if you act like your child’s disability doesn’t exist, it won’t actually stop existing. they will still be a disabled child, only now they will have no understanding of what that means. they’re going to feel confused and out-of-place at best; have their needs ignored and most probably going to push themselves to able-bodied neurotypical standards of functioning when they just cannot handle that, which is extremely unhealthy!

disability is not a bad word! it is not shameful! you gain nothing from pretending a disabled person in your life is not disabled at all. 

I’m still learning about what things I do are because I’m autistic. I was never told I was autistic, and always believed I was just weird, and to be ashamed for me being this way…

star-anise:

When I was younger and more abled, I was so fucking on board with the fantasy genre’s subversion of traditional femininity. We weren’t just fainting maidens locked up in towers; we could do anything men could do, be as strong or as physical or as violent. I got into western martial arts and learned to fight with a rapier, fell in love with the longsword.

But since I’ve gotten too disabled to fight anymore, I… find myself coming back to that maiden in a tower. It’s that funny thing, where subverting femininity is powerful for the people who have always been forced into it… but for the people who have always been excluded, the powerful thing can be embracing it.

As I’m disabled, as I say to groups of friends, “I can’t walk that far,” as I’m in too much pain to keep partying, I find myself worrying: I’m boring, too quiet, too stationary, irrelevant. The message sent to the disabled is: You’re out of the narrative, you’re secondary, you’re a burden.

The remarkable thing about the maiden in her tower is not her immobility; it’s common for disabled people to be abandoned, set adrift, waiting at bus stops or watching out the windows, forgotten in institutions or stranded in our houses. The remarkable thing is that she’s like a beacon, turning her tower into a lighthouse; people want to come to her, she’s important, she inspires through her appearance and words and craftwork.  In medieval romances she gives gifts, write letters, sends messengers, and summons lovers; she plays chess, commissions ballads, composes music, commands knights. She is her household’s moral centre in a castle under siege. She is a castle unto herself, and the integrity of her body matters.

That can be so revolutionary to those of us stuck in our towers who fall prey to thinking: Nobody would want to visit; nobody would want to listen; nobody would want to stay.