So I found out a few months ago that wanting to ‘not exist’ or wishing you could ‘just sleep forever’ is also considered suicidal (specifically suicidal idealization). It shocked me cause I used to think that way when I was younger but had previously thought that being suicidal meant explicitly wanting to die.. but it actually involves wanting to not live too.
I think its an important thing to note cause it might allow someone to realize the severity of their condition earlier.
This was the funniest thing to me. Because I was talking to a counselor, and they were like “Are you suicidal?”
“No not really. But sometimes I don’t want to exist though”
“You do know that’s suicidal ideation?”
“…what?”
I wish I kind of knew before. Like honestly, we know so little about mental health.
Same goes for wanting to run away, I had this urge for the longest time, to just leave, I thought it was because I was looking for thrill or something but after a few dozen times of googling “why do I want to run away so badly?” And “is it normal to want to run away?” I found out that that’s also a symptom of depression and suicidal idealization, obviously not as strong but definetly also a part that’s not talked about a lot
Tag: suicide mention
Like, that’s one of the most insidious things cis people have done to us, create this idea that we suffer because we are trans and not because of how we are treated for being trans.
I mean, it constituted a huge “discovery” in the psych world when research showed that rampant depression and increased risk of suicide in trans people was tied to how badly we are isolated and alienated, and that conclusion would likely never have been reached without transness first being slowly de-pathologized, and thus not treated as just being something that is conveniently co-morbid with debilitating mental illness.
Cis people are deeply invested in any narrative that removes their involvement in our suffering and thus places the onus of change on us, demanding we subject ourselves to a psychiatric community that first attempts to obliterate our transness before it even considers helping facilitate it.
This misdirection of responsibility needs to be called out for what it is, an act of violence against trans people at the hands of cis people, and whether its through media, or medical discourse, or casual cissexism, it needs to fucking stop, and y’all cis folk need to hold yourselves accountable for how you perpetuate it.
Holy fuck
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