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venuselectrificata:

venuselectrificata:

not sure if this will make sense to anyone besides me but: the antidote to negativity is not positivity, its warmth

positivity tells a sad person that there is no reason to be sad. warmth asks the sad person if they want to go get some ice cream

sophrosynic:

lovelysuggestions:

do not put up with passive agression. the people in your life should respect you enough to be straight forward with you. If someone does not come to you directly with an issue, it is not yours too fix. you can’t spend all your time picking apart your relationship with someone, searching for what you did, and blaming yourself when you don’t even know what for. it’s not fair for people to put you through that.

equally as important–learn to dismantle the impulse to be passive aggressive on your end. cultivate the skills required to be honest and accountable about your feelings, not just to the people around you, but also for your own sake. it’s when you learn to be honest to yourself about what you’re feeling that you really start to flourish.

sockknitterporg:

cowardlyshitfish:

riotrite:

If someone tells you they have a disability, please for the love of god don’t try to say you have the same difficulties, unless you’re actually disabled. You don’t, and I promise you, we hear that shit alllllll the time; it doesn’t feel like empathy, it feels like intentional ignorance.

For example, I have a pretty serious memory disability. But I’m smart and talkative and 27, so when I tell people I’m disabled, they almost never take me really seriously. They tell me “haha, me too” or “oh, I forget my keys all the time.” No. That’s not how it works for me. I have memory loss to the extent that it seriously affects my relationships and functionality. I don’t even have the same sense of time as you.

My disability makes me different from most people in crucial ways and that’s why I tell people about it. I’m not looking for you to tell me how we’re similar because 1) I know those things already because I have to and 2) that’s the precise opposite of what I’m trying to tell you, for both of our benefits.

So just don’t. If someone tells you about their disability, just acknowledge it. We know it makes you uncomfortable, but we’re telling you for a reason. So please, just listen. It’ll be way easier.

sincere question: what kind of response would you like to receive instead of forced sympathy? bc i’m rlly bad at communicating w people so any help would be appreciated /o

A sincere answer, albeit a long one.

I have chronic fatigue. I have not been well rested since the mid 1990s, aka before most people on tumblr were born. This leads to EXTREME cognitive difficulty. I need a calculator for simple addition unless both numbers are under 4. (that’s right, I need a calculator for 4+3) I am so tired that I have black spots in my vision. I am prone to just straight up collapsing. And that’s not even touching on the pain that comes with it.

When people say “oh, I had to pull an all nighter once, I get it,” what I hear is “I think you’re exaggerating. It can’t possibly be any worse than pulling an all nighter.”

The appropriate response is simple – show me that you understand that what I’m describing is truly above and beyond what is normal. That can take several forms – “holy shit that’s fucked!” if swearing is your style. “My god, I can’t even imagine,” if it’s not.

“I had to pull an all nighter once, but I couldn’t imagine going without sleep for *that* long.” That’s good, you’re relating it to your own experience WITHOUT crossing the line into “it can’t be worse than my experience!”

However. (This is the important part.) Most of us don’t just announce this information randomly or for laughs. I noticed in your tags (if I read them correctly and can remember what I read correctly) that you said you’re neuroatypical. Why would you add that information? I’m guessing that it was to let people know before responding to you that you aren’t on the same page as a neurotypical. It was (I’m guessing) because you wanted people to modulate their response to you rather than holding you to the same standard as a neurotypical.

Because if you were neurotypical, I would not have interpreted your question as sincere. I would have read it as sarcastic, belittling, and patronising. But you’re not neurotypical, and so I believe you that it’s a sincere question, and so I’m giving you a sincere answer.

When I tell someone I’m disabled, I do it for the same reason.

“Please don’t be offended if I yawn while you’re talking to me, I mean you no disrespect but I have chronic fatigue.”

“I’m sorry I forgot your birthday, I have memory loss stemming from my chronic fatigue.”

“I’m sorry for asking you to do me a favour, but while it’s a simple thing for you, I’m unable to do it because of my disability.”

I tell people I’m disabled… Generally because I need something from them. Usually that thing is understanding. Sometimes it’s slightly more practical, but that’s more of an offline interaction thing.

If someone tells you they’re disabled, the best response is “Is there anything you need from me? Is there anything I should know?”

geardrops:

terezisexbuttpyrope:

bidyke:

barbidreamdumpster:

if you want to ask a bisexual or asexual person about their sexual history to verify that they’re queer, but you don’t want them to take it the wrong way, try this useful communication technique:

give them twenty dollars and go away.

As a bi person, I can attest to the beneficiality of this method.

As an ace i second that^

if twenty dollars doesn’t work for you then forty dollars is also fine

nausicaaharris:

sineadstarwatcher:

nausicaaharris:

nausicaaharris:

god so much of Wizards of the Coast’s writing for D&D is screwed over by the fact that they use the same creature type for “person” and “low-level intelligent enemy”

@bit-by-a-dead-bee essentially the thing is that orcs and kuo-toa and gnolls and stuff are intended to be tutelary monsters – orcs are gruumsh’s revenge for not being included with the other gods, kuo-toa are religious fanaticism gone off the deep end, gnolls are primal unchecked savagery, etc.

in game terms they’re humanoid solely because low-level spells only affect humanoids and those are the low-level enemies, but that type is also shared by low-level enemies who are meant to be monsters in the real-world sense – people, like elves and dwarves and humans, who’ve simply chosen evil on a personal level.

so the implication is that these tutelary monsters are as natural and as “people” as elves and dwarves and humans are, because they share the humanoid type, and since there isn’t a distinction in creature type, what the books end up saying is “certain kinds of people are monsters”

granted D&D says that you should make your own lore but it’s still fucked-up that this gets in the actual books

Hi. I reblogged this earlier (I’m not sure if the notification showed up since I deleted it, but I didn’t want to seem like I was trying to start something then run away when that isn’t the case). I deleted that post because I think I misunderstood what your point was in the original post I made and I apologize for that. Basically I thought your entire point was the classification was wrong because they were more monstrous than humanoid.

I’m a bit confused as to what your explanation is trying to convey. Is it that these creatures shouldn’t be classified as humanoid but rather something like goblinoid so that there’s a distinction between a “person” and a “monster?”

Something like that, yeah. The fifth edition Monster Manual says the following, emphasis mine:

Humanoids are the main peoples of the D&D world, both civilized and savage, including humans and a tremendous variety of other species. They have language and culture, few if any innate magical abilities (though most humanoids can learn spellcasting), and a bipedal form. The most common humanoid races are the ones most suitable as player characters: humans, dwarves, elves, and halflings. Almost as numerous but far more savage and brutal, and almost uniformly evil, are the races of goblinoids (goblins, hobgoblins, and bugbears), orcs, gnolls, lizardfolk, and kobolds.

The idea that there’s creatures that have culture yet are somehow almost uniformly evil has some very nasty real-world implications, especially when they’re the same type of creature as those that have culture and human capacity for good and evil. If you want goblins and orcs to be another kind of people (as I do, and the Eberron setting does), then it’s fine for them to have the same creature type as the standard PC peoples, but their cultures can’t be uniformly evil; if you want goblins and orcs to be uniformly evil, because they’re not people, they’re monsters that look like people, then I think we need to create a new creature type to distinguish “that’s a thinking person” and “that’s a person-shaped monster that reflects our fears about ourselves, but is weaker than a fiend or fey”.

Because: the intent behind evil fantasy humanoids is that they’re reflections of our worse side, like I said before, and that’s a fine trope. It’s just not fine if that reflection is itself a person, because then the trope shifts from “destroy this monster as metaphor for the evil within” to “destroy this other civilization because everyone knows they’re evil”.

picturesimlivinthru:

oodlenoodleroodle:

badsandy:

no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.

And it’s also terrifying! Like it’s the kind of vulnerability you can’t do while being all cool and in control of things, you have to like open up the really awkward, ugly inner part of yourself and hope that the other person is still into you. 

Like you have to actually say – with words coming out of your mouth or hands or whatever way you use to directly communicate in person – what you would like from the other person! You have to say stuff like “hey the thing you did made me feel some ways and we have to address this like adults” and hope that the other person says “I see, yes I also think we should address this like adults” (instead of “no I didn’t” or “you’re overreacting” or other shut-down-ing shit that ruins lives). 

Worth the read my oh my

afterhoursdani:

if you’re a girl and had an unnatural obsession on any of these characters growing up:

  • Ariel from Little Mermaid
  • Mulan
  • Shego from Kim Possible
  • Kim Possible
  • Sam from Danny Phantom
  • The Hex girls from that Scooby Doo movie
  • Meg from Hercules
  • Raven from Teen Titans
  • Almost every female in Avatar the Last Airbender

chances are you’re gay now