tobitastic:

If you were really not attracted to trans women, why don’t you leave us alone?

You complain that trans women would ‘trick’ you into having sex with them, so clearly worried that some girl you’re hot for might turn out to be trans. You run through a dozen hypothetical scenarios, dealing out judgment and explaining exactly when and how trans women should disclose. You talk through which sex acts you would be most repulsed by and how important it is to you that everyone protect you from falling into that scenario. Seriously, I don’t know about everyone else, but I don’t spend this much time talking about and thinking about having sex with people I’m not attracted to.

When confronted about your transphobia your standard response is “I’m just not attracted to trans women, there’s nothing wrong with that,” but the whole scenario you’re focusing on is the possibility that someone you are attracted to turns out to be trans and you’d go into a rage. If you were really not attracted to trans women, wouldn’t you just have never gone on the date to begin with because you weren’t attracted to her?

How is it that you ended up arguing with a dozen trans women through social media? Somehow you manage to keep up with each of them and know them by name, all so that you can better harass them, leaving little remarks on their pages about how they trick people into weird deviant sex. The opposite of attraction isn’t repulsion, but indifference. You’re not acting like someone who is indifferent about trans women. Did you really just say that you’re not attracted to trans women for the fourth time in this conversation? I’m beginning to wonder if it’s not me you’re trying to convince, but yourself.

I’m willing to bet that if we could thoroughly explore your computer and your internet history, we’d find some trans porn on there. What is that “research”? Oh, I forgot, it’s “evidence.” You’ve got screen caps of at least 50 trans women’s OK cupid pages, downloaded copies of their fetlife photos, all documented with name, age, and location so that you can post them to your own website and “warn” other people so no one is “tricked” into having sex with them. Scouring the internet you relish every nude pic you can find. Each posted to the front page of your site with a triumphant “Look! It’s a penis! And she calls herself a woman – ha!”

Usually when someone is not attracted to me, they don’t give me a second thought and move on with their life and allow me to move on with mine. But you – You track down my personal internet accounts so you can continue the argument we go into after I left it. You go through things I posted on tumblr 3 years ago. You look through my online dating profiles from 2010 and try and run google image searches to see where else my risque photos may have been. You check legal name change records in my county to try and find my “real” name. You look up where I work so you can call my boss and tell them they hired a pervert. You write fan fiction about about how many cocks I suck and send it to the city council and school board until their lawyers send you a cease and desist letter (seriously, that really happened to me).

There’s nothing wrong with incidentally not being attracted to me. But that’s not what’s going on here. I’m not saying you’re attracted to me, but in your repulsion you’ve become obsessed with me and others like me. That obsession is what’s dangerous and it’s fueled by some deep seated fascination that has a lot more to do with your feelings than it has to do with anything I’ve done. 

So I’m rejecting you right here and now. I will never have sex with you. If you’re really not attracted to me, then you won’t care. If you feel relief, if you feel anxiety, if you feel insulted, then there’s something else going on. And you need to go take care of it by yourself. Don’t involve me.