The concept of âpassingâ as a whole is gross, but please donât judge a trans person for wanting/needing to âpassâ.
Men can wear dresses, yes. But donât be rude if a trans man refuses to wear anything even vaguely âfeminineâ.
No, women donât need to wear skirts every day. But donât be rude if a trans woman wears nothing but dresses and skirts and heavy, heavy make up.
Itâs a dangerous, sick world, and itâs a pity that the societal concept of âpassingâ is so ingrained in us, but it is. It is deeply ingrained in us. Itâs terrible and life threatening, so donât judge a trans person for adhering to strict gender roles.
This is so important. A trans man dressing very masculine and presenting very masculine is not him adhering to âtoxic masculinityâ – itâs him trying to survive.
A trans woman wearing dresses, mastering her make-up and shaving her legs is not her âperpetuating gender rolesâ – itâs her trying to survive.
Or maybe itâs just because they like to present like that! Thatâs also fine. Or at least, it should be, but society says no.
Cis people get to choose how they want to present – trans people donât. Weâre damned if we do, damned if we donât. Weâre either ânot really transâ for not presenting a certain way, or weâre âupholding toxic gender roles!â If we do. Weâre trapped in a weird eternal transphobic âgotcha!â
What I donât get about the âresourcesâ argument is, how exactly do asexuals waste LGBT resources if we donât need them? If being ace wonât get you kicked out of your home, you wonât need housing. If being ace wonât get you fired, you wonât need the financial backup. If being ace doesnât put you at physical risk, you wonât need the protective services that the LGBT community can muster.
If, on the other hand, being ace does cause you to deal with any of the above, then the resources arenât being âwastedâ â theyâre going toward the safety and well-being of somebody whoâs being punished for not being straight. Isnât that the point of those resources to begin with?
Iâm honestly confused how this argument even works. The only way it makes sense is if weâre walking up to a community that we have zero need of, and theyâre just going âokey-dokey! 8Dâ and handing us shit we clearly donât need. Is that what yâall are trying to say? Iâm honestly curious.
the more I see this contradiction, the more it bothers me. I constantly see BOTH âaces dont get kicked out of their homes!! ace people dont get murdered!!!â and âcishet aces/aros are stealing resources made by and for LGBT people!!!â
Which is it? How are they taking these resources if they donât need them? cishet aces/aros arenât getting kicked out of their homes but theyre also taking up LGBT shelters?
The only thing I can think of that would include âaces take resourcesâ and âaces donât get kicked out of homes/fired/raped/abused for being aceâ is information resources, and that doesnât make sense either. How is it bad to have a greater understanding of human sexuality?
like, if a confused young person has questions about their sexuality, they are going to go to an LGBT group (no matter what itâs called) and ask questions. At that point, they are Questioning. How would it help anybody if the young person asks about not really feeling attraction? to anyone? I guess? and then told that theyâre basically straight, go away you are taking up resources! LikeâŚ
and again (i know itâs not the case all the time), remember how many tr*scum were pre-everything trans guys who were scared of not being able to transition due to medical gatekeeping and the fear of being compared to non-dysphoric nb people? iâm seeing such a parallel between young lgbt folk who are scared of not having resources they need and lash out at others.Â
understanding where it can come from isnât condoning it, but it can provide understanding.Â
and me? iâm co-president of a university pride group next fall, and if The Cishet Aros/Aces want to help me pass out flyers for drag-o-ween and rainbow prom and shit, so i donât have to do so much work by myself, i welcome them and iâm totally down to talk about asexuality and aromanticism during meetings alongside all our other discussions and activism. we might even do something for ace awareness week like we have the last couple years! we might even have someone write an extra coming out monologue about figuring out theyâre aro/ace or coming out to family! thatâd be cool, i actually did that a couple years ago and so did one of my good friends.Â
and of course if theyâre talking about how disgusting gay sex is, weâre probably gonna have a talk about things that are appropriate and not appropriate to say in pride, because that one definitely isnât. but if someone says something about sex (or romance!) being a universal need weâre also gonna talk about how thatâs not cool to say and most definitely hurts people.Â
itâs almost like weâre going to recognize that people have different needs, experiences, and privileges, and then try to account for those and support people! wow!
i know people have different definitions of the word but to me, thatâs kind of what a community is.Â
tbh Iâm not a big fan of the idea of âif you hold on long enough, discoursers will get bored and move onto another victimâ. I donât want there to be another victim. why is ace discourse like this.
actually i wanna add on bc as an intersex person this especially troubles me. you can already see exclusionists talking about how âintersex ppl arent inherently lgbtâ and although theres no real main âintersex discourseâ yet, were just collateral right now, its still really scary because its indicative of what could very easily come next. and the fact that intersex ppl already have so little representation in the public conscious, even less than aces, means that if such a discourse does come to pass it could easily damage our progress. i wonder if exclusionists realize that.
they think they can do whatever they want because âyoure not oppressedâ and then their gross opinions damage the movement to gain visibility of our oppressions and fight back against them. what happens if theres someday an intersex discourse and people hear about it, specifically other lgbtq+ people, and the belief that we dont belong makes rounds in our community? other lgbtq+ people hear this info coming from other lgbtq+ people and they believe it because its coming from our own mouths. itll spread to pericistraight people too, and well just be at an even larger loss, because then itll continue to be the accepted belief that its okay to hurt intersex people for being intersex, its okay to want us gone, and things will get worse for us. lord knows exclusionary veliefs are already making things worse for aces, hopefully it doesnt spread any further but i dont have much hope.
exclusionists see movements that are still gaining ground and think that because theyre not so public right now that theres nothing there. they dont think in terms of why things happen, or of the future. theyre only concerned with stepping on others to get what they want. âyoure stealing resources from us!â no, theres plenty to go around; you just want them all for yourselves.
its really sad. i didnt start identifying as m-spec until the m-spec discourse had long passed (im still not even sure i really do), so it was the ace discourse that really got me. ive always been aroace, since i was just a little kid that was how i identified, and all of a sudden a bunch of people i thought i could really trust turned against me and im told this is actually fairly common, in fact, the same thing happened just awhile ago. i thought the only hate i would be getting would be from my oppressors, but i was wrong in thinking that somewhere advertised as a safe space would be free of them. and thats horrible. i shouldnt have to be on-guard here, of all places. if i was already m-spec i would have known this, which is also a terrible realization. and now im watching as the next target is slowly being worked in⌠another one of my identities.
being intersex is one of the most important parts of my identity. so is being aroace. if intersex discourse is the next thing that comes out of this, idk if ill be able to handle it. if yall see me there its going to be the shortest discourse ever because im not gonna be doing anything but spamming the tags with âshut UP.â
aros and aces and bi people and pan people and nb ppl and intersex ppl are all inherently lgbtq+, dont kill the movement to spread awareness of our inclusion just because you prefer things to be the way they used to be, when you had all the resources that were there and we had none. i really, really dont want to have to fight to convince anyone of something so obvious after /this/.
the terf from yesterday on the Really Long Queer post did reply, with a cryptic remark that i’m out to infringe on her rights (possibly about abortion rights? it was v vague) and trans people are evidence that ‘the left hates women as much as the right’
like when all else fails…. make no sense am i right đ
iâm so confused by this?? are you saying compulsory heterosexuality is transphobic?
no_correlation.jpg
A) comparing trans people to terfs B) sad C) trans lesbians can also experience compulsory heterosexuality
i THINK itâs cuz someone said that comp het was a term created by terfs?
Thatâs so damn ignorant. Trans women that are lesbians can experience compulsory heterosexuality, and in fact, a lot of them do like most lesbians. Coming from me, a trans woman who is a lesbian and does, in fact, experience compulsory heterosexuality. So, this is transmisogynistic, again. Just because a term was made by shitty people doesnât mean that everyone who uses it is shitty, itâs a term with a meaning and the meaning is not about the person who made it. If we acted like that in regards to every term weâd have barely anything to use.
oh for sure, iâm just saying i think thatâs why anon said that. comp het is very useful terminology.
@mypolitics@discoursecrow@ainpost@mogai-is-bogai @hevvincourse the point is that, though its a useful concept to have the language to talk about, the term was created by a transmisoynist. create a new termÂ
talking over a trans woman? i see i see
now its my turn to use thisÂ
internalised heteronormativity. It’s a more coherent term, it doesn’t have a TERF connection, it hasn’t been used as ‘proof’ that bisexual women are wrong for IDing as bi, it’s really not difficult to use
also i swear stop fucking pulling this “you’re a transmisogynist for disagreeing with the trans women on our side of the discourse” it’s really embarrassing. you’re just closing your eyes and hoping there aren’t trans women who disagree w you
One of the star trek blogs I follow: posts some inclusionist shit
Me, screaming with my mouth closed: do I really want to start drama right now
I feel you I follow a lot of pastel blogs and a lot of them make positivity posts and I see too many âAll aces are kuWHEEER uwu wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuâ and it grinds my damn gears
I just want to shitpost about Star Trek in peace for Godâs sake
One of the main fandoms Iâm in is a landmine for inclusionists and mogai. I see shit pass my dash and itâs just mmmmmmm
I remember back in my Superwholock days a lot of the blogs I followed were some of the first to post cringey ace humor and I reblogged because I identified as a grey ace at the time (ugh) and now I look back and regret every moment of it
I run a stimblog and I see all these blogs following it that are anti aphobe and im just??? Also a few had ace sherlock on them in the year of our lord 2017.
Honestly do not ever involve yourself in stimblog stuff if you arenât prepared for all the âdonât follow if youâre an aphobeâ crap because I swear itâs unavoidable
this post is so genuinely satisfying, i hope none of you ever find peace
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