a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

whoamiamneko:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”

Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.

If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.

Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.

But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.

Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.

the-macra:

too long has the false dichotomy of top/bottom ruled tumblr discourse

pregnantseinfeld:

If you all go 2 weeks without discourse the whole class gets an ice cream social and a pizza party

i-am-a-fish:

Anything you can do I can do

gayer,

I can do anything

gayer

than you 🎶

someone at the door: rings doorbell
me: dives to the floor like I’m being shot at, army crawls around the couch, rolls into another room, peeks around a corner to see if I can tell who it is, and then proceeds to wait for them to leave.

deepstateoperative:

distraughtlesbian:

distraughtlesbian:

It’s all fun and gay until you get a crush on her

Update: She’s my girlfriend now it’s all fun and gay again

this is better literature than any novel written by a man