notquiteaghost:

deadtucks:

deadtucks:

has anyone made a memes on board the enterprise post

• *pointing at a random piece of engineering equipment* is that a jefferies tube
• imitating spock by saying “hey guess who i am” and then staring at kirk for upwards of five minutes wherever he happens to be
• “broken replicators are xenophobic” 
• a whole week where everyone in medbay speaks in a southern accent to piss off bones except he actually doesnt notice he just takes it for granted
• “captain kirk likes classical music pass it on”
• whenever someone on bridge broadcasts some kind of report on a fucked up away mission its customary to turn to the person on ur left and say ‘i just wish theyd stop saying odd shit’
• the xenobiology department likes to makes up random false facts about humans and include them in official reports. ‘humans actually have no bones’. ‘humans have a third eye under their left ear’
• if u visit medbay at any given time theres a good chance someones going to say “congrats!!!! youre todays one MILLIONTH visitor!!!” the prize is a free hypo vaccination and you cant refuse it
• the probability of this happening increases exponentially if you are jim kirk
• literally anything chekov does
• “thats more impressive than yeoman rand’s hairstyle”
• excitedly running up to someone from the botany department and telling them youve discovered a new plant and seeing how long it takes them to figure out that the organism ur describing in complex science terms is actually earth grass
• all the linguists have complex fake languages that they use to talk shit about everyone on board in public places
• “this is worse than scotty drunk and trying to explain dilithium”
• daily tally of shirts jim kirk has ripped
• daily tally of times spock has raised an eyebrow
• “raises eyebrow like spock on the bridge” as the colloquial ‘looks into camera like im on the office’ replacement
• [during a battle] “this is just like that old terran movie star wars / battlestar galactica / the martian / gravity”
• [in response to something unbelievable] “yeah and spock is straight”

– “is that a jeffries tube” steadily evolves from pointing at engineering equipment to at any ship equipment, then any tech at all, then anything. literally anything. [points at collection of rocks] is that a jeffries tube

– calling people ‘ensign’ when they fuck up / calling people ‘commander’ when they do good

– if jim overhears anyone complaining about anything trivial he throws an arm over their shoulders and says “you want to be captain, you say? you want to run this ship? be in charge of and responsible for this many people of this many species? you wanna lead negotiations with [insert next diplomacy mission here]? well why didnt you say so earlier!!!” then he starts trying to lead them to the bridge

– if they let him he will take them to the bridge and sit them in the charge & tell bridge they have the conn. and then refuse to do anything captain-y

– one time an ensign actually ran a first contact mission cause of this. it was a success apart from the thing with the fruit juice

– security officers travel at the speed of light

– especially if it’s a false alarm

– telling variations of the Scotty Transporting The Admiral’s Dog story, including ‘scotty beheads the admiral’s wife’, ‘scotty bodyswaps the admiral and his dog’, ‘scotty clones the dog’ and ‘everything is exactly the same but the admiral only communicates through mime’

– away mission bingo cards

– away mission superstitions

– theres a bed in the med bay with jim’s name on it. then one with spock’s. then sulu’s

– theories on what having your own med bay bed means, mostly revolving around bones being secretly married to people

– “this is just like that time on [prefix]-[random nearby object]-[suffix]”